Response (to Tosha on ‘Strange feelings’)

Thanks for your comment…

You are right, when we feel we are ‘giving’ love, we become as kind as possible…but is not that the beauty of love…makes us see the goodness of everything and everyone, including our own selves…we want to be as good as possible…the feeling of love is so overwhelming that it is difficult to contain it to oneself and one feels this urge to give to others, not only to the objection of love/ affection, but to any one willing to receive- a friend, parent, stranger, no matter who….the genuine wish to pass our own happiness to others…to let others taste the sublime love through compassion, kindness, sympathy and giving…

Giving is neither a pretense nor a show…except when we start to think of ourselves as a giver and when that feeling gets to the head…when we start to take our love seriously and try to convince ourselves that to be in love is to give…always…to be nice…always…to not be angry….never…to be loving…always…and of course, that is not humanly possible…so there is a friction between our self-perception (combined with the burden of ‘lovey-dovey’ stereotypes) and the way we wish to be perceived by others…trying to stick to our guns, despite all odds, to prove, to oneself and to others*, at each step, that the intensity of our love is as strong as ever- an inextinguishable flame we are holding for the one we love…that is the problem of the ego…it is not a problem of love…love is beyond the super-fragile egos…so what is the solution…to remain true to oneself…when one loves, love with all that you can…when you don’t feel love, there is no need to pretend either…

(*more to oneself actually, this process of proof and deduction…because if it were not so, we will realize the hollowness of our own claims, of our own love….now, no one wants to be caught doing that, forget even about realizing that we are like that..hollow inside…superficial outside…)

When love is felt in the heart, it is a pure feeling…sirf ehsaas hai yeh rooh se mehsoos karo.…If i were to heed to this, to the Tao (and to you), i would probably be keeping the declaration of love to myself and rightly so…wu wei…actionless action…i feel love and that is good…it becomes so overwhelming that I have to give it to others in various forms, fair enough…but I do not have to impose myself on someone who does not want love or to get in to the stereotype of gooey-eyed, puppy love either to prove that I love…I am happy to stay out of love that needs proofs and confirmation at every step…if i have to prove love all the time to an unrequited love, i will only be feeding the other’s ego and not his soul…besides, this is too much of an investment without returns…(my objectivity is surprising me lol)…But having said that, I count my blessings for love that was ‘given’ to me and to others through me…for all those moments of pure love…I may finally be growing-up but then again, who knows…:)

Coming to your suggestion of engaging oneself in something else, point taken, if I understand you correctly…Sometimes I have asked myself that by doing other things that engage my attention, I was not escaping the feelings I find myself submerged in…It may or may not be true…True in the sense that it reduces the imminent pain and suffering…Not true in the sense that one has to do one’s Karma whether one is in love or not…

Please allow me to explain…I might have written elsewhere that I lose objectivity when in love…Now I am trying to see the balance of life…That one thing does not have to be attained at the cost of the other…that Life is to be lived as a whole and not in phases of love followed by some other occupation followed by something else, so on and so forth…Love and other priorities can peacefully co-exist, if they exist…and my task is easier with love not manifested, so all i am left with is my Karma :). It may not necessarily be a choice, but like all other things in life, this is a gift from the Universe and there must be some goodness in it too…

However, I do wish, that one day, should love and other priorities co-exist, that I would have the wisdom to maintain the balance of head and heart that I lack so far…of being neither too objective in one situation nor too emotional in the other…the middle way…

Whew…that was some food for thought on a lovely morning…Thanks once again…much love & hugs…May you be happy…

May all be happy and free from suffering…May all living beings be happy…whatever living beings there may be….