Indian ‘Family’…

(i finally get down to writing some more on this…had been finding it hard to concentrate…still thinking…read on… )

When talking about family, as in “i spent summer vacations with my family” or “met this very nice family who lives down the block” etc. etc., we generally mean the Webster’s definition of family as “a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head“,

When speaking about an Indian Family, its more like a family as in “My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding” or Webster-wise, “a group of persons of common ancestry” at its simplest, to “a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock” to “a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation” to “a group of things related by common characteristics as a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds” or “a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters” and so on and so forth, depending on your imagination…and it will go on to encompass the spirit embodied by the age-old Sanskrit phrase of vasudev kutumbakam which means the universe is family….

I might add here, as my friend L has reminded me, a quote by Richard Bach in his Illusions- the adventures of a reluctant messiah, “members of the same family seldom live under the same roof”…i have pondered over that quote more often than not…thanks L

Ever since i can remember, having a ‘family’ get-together meant having lots of people around…as an infant, i would find myself lost in a bumbling swarm of ‘uncles’, ‘aunts’, cousins-first, second, third and so on…all imaginable sizes and ages (one of my cousins is three years older to my mom!), grand- parents, their siblings, family priests (for all auspicious occasions) et al…For a not just a family gathering, one can expect parents’ friends, their families, family friends of uncles and aunts at large, neighbours, members of the community and so on and so forth à la vasudev kutumbakam…

Any average marriage ceremony will have not less than a few hundred guests…the more, the merrier…a barometer of social success and networking…just like everywhere else…fair enough, does not hurt anyone as long as there are enough green bucks to feed everyone, give return-gifts (yes, that too…) and to shower on the marriage- procession, the baraat (yes, considered auspicious and a prized ’social status’ symbol, especially in the trading vaish community, where i come from)…

While good-will hunting is good, if you happen to be placed comfortably on the ’social ladder’, you will not dare to invite the wrath by not inviting even remotely related people from the village your grandfather comes from or someone who you were introduced to at your third cousin’s wedding…there are always some fragile egos, that you would not want to miss out on, on your guest list…in an Indian family context, in particular, and the society, at large, the sense of self is very fragile…a direct derivative of how much respect you are publicly conferred, which includes, being invited in person, no less…India may be the backyard for the silicon valley companies outsourcing softwares, but should you want to ‘pinch’ some pennies, oops rupees, by sending mail invites to your friends, chances are you that will find yourself celebrating alone…

that’s (not) all folks! Will share more on the subject one of these days….